Botanical Gardens
10 years ago
Friday, April 1, 2011
Some days are better than others...
This week has been a bit of a "rough" one. I say this because I am pretty spoiled with a beautiful, healthy, wonderful baby girl who has been a great sleeper at night (naps can be a struggle, but that happens). I am also blessed with the ability to stay home with Sadie and not have to hand her to someone else every morning. This week has been rough for a few reasons... Sadie is either teething or has a cold so she has been a bit off. She has been very vocal about her discomfort and while she continues to sleep well at night, naps have become even more difficult. Since she has been more vocal about things it feels like she is yelling at me. I have a hard time not taking it personally - silly I know. But I have been in tears several times this week because of it. I always thought I would be a working mom... and until Sadie was born, I kind of thought I would go back to work (or at least want to)... but I cannot imagine giving her to someone every day and not being there for all of the firsts. I love being able to fill Elliot in on what she has accomplished and not have to hear it from someone else... Its such a blessing! But somewhere inside of me I am feeling empty. I don't want to go to work. But I am feeling very unfulfilled and not quite sure what to do with it. I struggle to keep my house clean, I hate doing laundry, I hate making a grocery list and getting groceries (I know, hate is a strong word)... but you would never know I was a stay at home mom if you looked at our house. Makes me feel sort of like I'm not any good at my "job". Hm. So that's why some days are better than others, and why this week has been a rough one. My "boss" has been yelling at me a lot and I feel like I cant get the job done. Any of you other moms out there feel like this or am I on my own?
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Jodi, You are not alone in these feelings. Not at all. It's been a rough week for me too. Claire is teething and/or has a cold just like Sadie. She has been napping fine but waking up during the night for 1.5-2 hour stretches. I think being tired gets me feeling down sometimes. I feel like I should have a spotless house and a delicious meal ready when Matt gets home every night. I guess that's a self inflicted expectation because Matt certainly isn't asking for that. I've joined a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group that provides some support and comfort (not to mention a reason to get out of the house). You should see if there is one in your area or something similar. I think there are some days when we just have to realize that if we have a safe, healthy baby at the end of the day, then we are doing great. Everything else is just icing on the cake! Hang in there. You are a great mom!
ReplyDeleteno you are not alone! I have stayed home with my boys for the last 6 years and there are times when I feel inadequate as a mother to my boys. My house is almost always a disaster, but it eventually gets cleaned, it does not matter what your house looks like its more important to spend it with your baby. Sounds like you could use a moms group were you can talk with other moms about this stuff. There are many online groups too. It is a blessing to be able to watch and help your children grow, but you also need to take time for yourself, you will be a better mommy for it! :)
ReplyDeleteJodi, I feel the EXACT same way. You are not alone. I think it's just a thankless job sometimes and I sometimes feel like because I stay at home that I'm not as 'good' as my friends or mom's who work outside the home. My house always seems to be a mess too but I have chalked that up to the fact that we are always home so 'life' happens in our house and it looks 'lived in'. The teething phase will end and Sadie will be back to her normal happy self. If you ever want to get out of the house give me a call. :)
ReplyDeleteOh yes... my boss gets mad at me too. I couldn't understand how my day as a teacher was so organized and structured down to the minute and now I get absolutely nothing done in an entire day it seems like. Derek has watched her alone for a few full days here and there and that "list" he thought he'd accomplish with a whole day off work never got done. It was good for him to get a peek into my day and affirm to me that I'm not just going crazy. Parenting is busy and messy! They always wake up happy to see us though and don't remember how frustrated we were with them. :)
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